So its about time for an update, I'd say. My parents have asked several times for a recap of exactly what I've been up to...sorry to say, but I'm not going to give it this time. But I hope to soon. This will be another internal dialogue.
Reflecting on my thoughts long ago about time, I am forced to admit that I haven't been reserving enough of my own for personal reflection or even as just free space. Every now and then I become aware of it, and usually do nothing about it. Why?
In a brief moment of reflection, I realize that its really essentially the same reason that I haven't kept up with this blog, or with emails and phone calls and all that. When I take time to myself, I encounter all sorts of things that I'm not commonly made aware of - things that are me, and make me who I am, but occur without my knowledge. And all of a sudden I begin seeming unfamiliar to myself. I miss myself. And anyone who faces that feeling, as most or all of you surely do at times, knows how unnerving it is. And the fact is, it becomes easier to sacrifice the time I owe to myself in favor of spending time on all the other things going on here. When I'm always so busy running around and seeing new exciting things, it is not terribly tempting to engage a more thoughtful and difficult interior experience.
With family and friends its really quite similar. Being so far away, I inevitably am less connected with you all for the time being, and I inevitably miss you. But the less I keep in contact, the less aware I am of how much I miss you. And with so much new stuff here, its quite possible to fill virtually all my time with newness. So, when I don't actively make myself put in the time to keep in touch, I slip by habit out of contact - the reason, I think, is that I am afraid of knowing how much I really long to be closer, how much I miss you all.
But these things have a way of being inescapable. The time for you and the time for me that has gone neglected for a while now has caught up to me. And now it's my turn to catch up - with me, and with you.
So drop me a line and let me know what's up, how you are, and I'll really do my best to get back to you, despite the quickening academic pace over here - really its the least of my priorities, but the most of my commitments at the time, which makes for a terrible imbalance, but one I've got to make the best of.
Also, I plan to make a post soon that lets you al know what's been up.
Micah
5 comments:
I had the same feeling last year. My roommates always asked me if I missed people from back home. I always responded no, because I never really thought about it. It was only in the last two weeks before I left that I started to think about home, and consequently started to miss some things.
With the internet, it's like we're talking in real life anyway. Except I don't have to see your stupid face.
Love, Liam
Funny how being present can make you less aware of your self. Perhaps remembering past experiences and relationships is not actually any more acute awareness- itd be a denial of your present. But that's not to say a little correspondence would hold anyone back, so long as its discussing the present--?
JUST THINKIN.
anyhow, Elsa and I met each other at a little bar in Seattle this weekend, our node- a common friend that i was reunited with after 7 long years through a random craigslist rideshare to portland over fall break! this world is not so big. you are not so far.
ah yes, and also- there is love.
Love, Jenny
Hey Micah, It's been great reading your thoughts, I certainly have had similar experiences, frequently as a result of not finding time to have with my self. I miss hanging out with you and I can't wait for next year. I've started checking out houses, though it's really early. I'd love to hear how you've been and what you've been doing lately if you get a chance.
Cheers!
-Jesse
We miss you too Micah.
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